The Domestic Violence Cycle
The domestic violence cycle involves 6 stages: build-up, stand-over, explosion, remorse, pursuit, and honeymoon. Not all stages are present in every situation.
1.) The Build-Up Phase
The abuser’s anger rises. The relationship does not need to be the cause of the anger.
2.) The Stand-Over Phase
Tension is in the air and the victim may have a sense of ‘walking on eggshells.’ They know that a fight is just around the corner, and may alter their behaviour to try to ward it off.
3.) The Explosion Phase
The abuse occurs. This can be emotional, sexual, financial or physical.
4.) The Remorse Phase
After an incident, the abuser may feel remorse about what they have done, or fear that the victim will tell someone. They may become very apologetic.
5.) The Pursuit Phase
The abuser tries to win the victim back by making promises of changing, going to counselling, giving up drugs or alcohol, buying gifts for the victim, and begging her to stay.
6.)The Honeymoon Phase
The abuser is very sweet, charming, affectionate, and loving during this phase. The good times of the relationship happen in this time. The honeymoon phase is what makes it so difficult for a victim to leave the abuser. The victim may also reject help from others she has sought in previous phases. The relationship appears happy and normal. Soon, however, the tension begins to build again, and the cycle re-enters the build-up phase.
Go to the Queensland Police website to see a visual example of the domestic violence cycle.
My personal opinion is that the abuse follows a downward spiral as opposed to a cycle, as it ususally gets more violent and the stages are completed in a shorter space of time. This is how I see it:
An excellent description of the domestic violence cycle is given here. It’s plain english and easy to understand. I came across this when I was in my abusive relationship, and it rung very true.
You can find further information on the domestic violence cycle on the Queensland Police and About.com websites.