Congratulations! You’ve met the “perfect” guy. You have heaps of chemistry, but there’s a small caveat: he’s been “hurt in the past” and “isn’t ready for a relationship just yet” so you’re “taking things slow” and giving him plenty of “space” to “help him work through his feelings” without “pressure.”
Oh! Oh! Let me guess…your “relationship” involves spending time together on HIS terms, you not making plans with your friends in case HE calls, while sleeping together and doing everything for him that a girlfriend would do, but without the love, respect, friendship, and security of a real relationship, right?
Yeah, yeah…I’ve heard it all before. I don’t “know him like you do.” I don’t “understand” what you two have together. I don’t see what it’s like “in the good times.”
But you “understand” right? You just “know” that all you have to do is just keep “being there for him” and eventually he’ll come to his senses and realise you’re the woman of his dreams.
Yeeeeeeeah…allow me to briefly translate for those of you who have been on the receiving end of these comments:
He says: I’ve been hurt in the past.
He means: Sure, I’m hurting and still into my ex-girlfriend, but screwing you will make me feel better.
He says: I’m not ready for a relationship just yet.
He means: I’m not into you and I don’t want a relationship with you AT ALL, but we can definitely sleep together.
He says: I want to take things slow.
He means: I want to take things slow EMOTIONALLY…but we can still sleep together.
He says: I need space.
He means: I don’t have the balls to say it, but I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.
He says: I need time to work through my feelings.
He means: I need to get over my ex – preferably by banging someone – and you’re just the person to help me.
He says: I don’t want any pressure.
He means: I don’t want the responsibility of a relationship, but of course we can still sleep together.
Does he love you?! If you have to ask the question, you know the answer.
Ladies, these comments don’t randomly pop out of a vacuum and manifest themselves into your relationship reality. There are warning signs. Maybe his behaviour prior to this point in your relationship had your bullshit radar beeping. Maybe you just had that niggling feeling of doubt in the back of your mind that you wanted different things out of the relationship. If you’re genuinely shocked to hear any of these comments coming from the mouth of your beau, then you’ve been living in your fantasy, not the reality of your relationship.
You’re not alone.
Many women waste their precious time with men who don’t love, appreciate, or respect them due to low self-esteem. Self-esteem is the hook upon which the rest of your relationships hang. Women with low self-esteem tolerate poor treatment and lack of respect in their relationships. Even worse, they are prime targets for abusers, users and energy vampires. It’s far easier for an abuser or manipulator to attach themselves to woman with low self-esteem than to wear down the self-esteem of a strong woman. These types of men are like leeches; they attach themselves to you, then drop off into the wilderness when they’ve had their fill, leaving you wounded and bleeding. They are parasites that take without regard for your feelings. Unfortunately, it’s easy for the leeches to take advantage of women with low self-esteem, because they rarely protect themselves from being manipulated and used. They don’t believe that they are worth protecting or that they can do any better.
Don’t let that woman be you. You ARE worth protecting, and you are worth far in excess than what your leech leads you to believe.
Expending time and energy on a dead-end relationship simultaneously reduces your chances of meeting someone who is perfect for you.You won’t find great partner if you don’t open yourself to the opportunity to do so. Stop piss-farting around and making excuses for the leeches who aren’t worth your time, and start spending your time with someone who does.
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