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Judging Others is Judging Yourself

May 26, 2011

Last year I met an interesting boy. Every time I saw him, he was wearing the same clothing. Same shirt. Same jeans. Same shoes. I didn’t know why, but it bothered me. I could have cared less about the boy’s wardrobe and his dress sense, so why did it irk me?

Eventually, I realised that the problem had zilch to do with him and everything to do with me. The real problem wasn’t, “This boy wears the same clothes every day”, it was, “I don’t have the strength of character to do the same.”

We don’t have problems with other people. Our judgment and subsequent dislike for someone is inversely proportional to our perceived ability to deal with them.

Take a moment to think about the type of people who push your buttons.

Do loud people who always have to be the centre of attention bother you? Why? Perhaps it is due to an underlying desire to improve your social skills and express yourself more effectively. Your ego projects your lack of self-confidence as dislike for the loud person.

Do you dislike aggressive people who try to intimidate others? Why? Maybe it’s because you know you don’t have the balls to stand up for yourself if they were to try to intimidate you. Your ego projects your lack of self-assertion as dislike for the aggressive person.

Do strongly spiritual people irritate you? Why? Maybe you’re jealous that they they have such passion and certainty in their beliefs that they’re willing to centre their lives around their spirituality. Your ego projects your lack of passion as dislike for the spiritual person.

Do you have a problem with atheists? Why? Could it be that you don’t have the courage to look past blind faith and question the validity of religion for yourself? The ego projects your lack of courage as dislike for the atheist.

Instead of looking for reasons why you dislike a person, look for ways you can improve yourself. When you accept yourself, you simultaneously accept everyone else, and vice versa.

What a beautiful world it would be if we could all just accept our fellow humans without judgment.

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11 Responses to “Judging Others is Judging Yourself”

  1. So true!

    I wish I remembered more often to sit down and say: “what is there about me in this situation?”

    Because never ever ever have I been bothered by someone else’s behavior without it having something to do with me.

  2. Hey Rhiannon, thanks for dropping by!

    I find it difficult to consider how a situation relates to my ‘stuff’ while I’m actually experiencing it, however I find it’s worth reflecting on why I was annoyed afterwards. Time and a cool head work wonders for being able to see different perspectives 🙂

  3. You are correct yet again. That which we dislike in others is a reflection on our own character.

  4. Hi TonyS,

    Yep, we’re rarely upset for the reasons we think we are.

  5. This is very true to a point. However there are some people that I do have a problem with. And that would be negative people. The whiners. I don’t dislike them, in fact I feel very sad for them.
    Life can be fun with the right attitude, but when you are always negative, that gives life a whole new look and it isn’t pretty.
    Anyway that is my story and your are very right when we see something in someone that bothers us, it is usually because we wished we could be like that.

    Loving yourself is a big plus for happiness.

  6. Hi Debbie,

    Thanks for commenting!

    In regards to negative people, it’s not so much a matter of wanting to be like them as it is not having the courage to tell them straight that they’re energy sucking vampires and that you have far better things to do with your life than listen their whining.

    We perceive that confrontation as too rude.

    It can be difficult to let go of some relationships, even if they are negative. We often feel as though we have invested time or effort in negative friends or partners, and we shouldn’t just throw the relationship away. When it comes to a negative person we don’t know well, our sense of decency tells us that it’s rude to just ignore them or tell them off for being a sad-sack.

    In both cases we end up in their negative spiral, unless we consciously choose otherwise.

    But yes, a bit of self-love and a more positive outlook would do wonders for their lives, and give them a lot less to complain about!

  7. This post is incredible. I loved it because not only did it provide such fascinating insights, but it solidifies ideas that I had known in a more abstract, indefinite way before. Thanks for sharing.


  8. Thanks Lynne, I’m glad you found it helpful! 🙂

  9. I like to say ‘if you spot it you got it.’ It’s easy to remember and so clear.

  10. Well summed up Tess!

  11. Debbie…..using this equasion….I suppose you might have a problem with expressing your own problems with people…mabye you feel like you have to walk through life always happy and it erks you when you see someone else being honest about how they feel.

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