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When to Say I Love You

February 20, 2011

“You ask me if I love you, and I choke on my reply. I’d rather hurt you honestly than mislead you with a lie” – Sometimes When We Touch by Dan Hill

When is the right time to say I love you?

How long is a piece of string?

Really, both questions make equal sense.

To determine the length of a piece of string, you would need to know which exact piece of string we were discussing.

The same goes for relationships. No one relationship is the same as any other. No person in any relationship is the same as any other.

It may surprise you then that the “right time” is exactly the same for everyone. What is this magical time? One month? Three months? Six months, three days, four hours, and forty-two seconds?


There is no “right time” in nanoseconds. The magical time is simply the right time for you.

The right time for you will be based on your emotional maturity, your perception of your partner’s emotional maturity, and your social conditioning. If you can discuss your feelings and relationship expectations openly and honestly, then you have a green light to bring up your feelings as you feel them. On the other hand, if you or your partner are emotionally immature and can’t bring yourselves to discuss the simplest of relationship expectations without throwing hissy fits or playing childish mind-games, you may want to wait until one or both of you acquire a little more emotional maturity before you bring those three little words to the table.

You know when you feel love for another person. You feel it in your heart. What stops you from telling them is your fear of rejection and social perception. If you feel love for a person after a day, by all means, tell them! The traditional “right time” has much more to do with your ego than than your feelings, so don’t worry about whether the other person feels the same way about you or whether it’s too soon. You have every right to express your true feelings in your own time, as long as you recognise that the other person also has the right to express their feelings in their own time, and that their time may not be as soon as yours. Don’t pressure them into feeling what you want them to feel if this is the case. Just express yourself naturally and allow them the freedom to do the same.

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One Response to “When to Say I Love You”

  1. Good advice and in my opinion the right advice.

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