« »

Why Nice Girls Love Bad Boys

January 14, 2011

Ever wondered why bad boys get laid so often, while nice guys get kicked to the curb? What is it about that guy you know is a no-hoper, but seems to be a total chick magnet?

Enter the Bad Boy

He’s that guy with the tattoos and piercings everywhere. The foul-mouthed smart-arse who says exactly what he’s thinking in the most crass manner possible. The rebel-without-a-cause who flips the middle finger to the world. The mysterious guy who resides on the fringe of social norms. The smooth-talker you just know is engaged in some illicit activity. He’s a social paradox; disrespectful, but respected. Always in trouble, but forgiven in a heartbeat. Rarely challenged, because he stands his ground when he is.

What’s So Attractive About Bad Boys?

Bad Boys have one thing in common. Backbone. They’re not afraid to ruffle a few feathers to get what they want. They live by the presumption that it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than beg for permission. They’re subject to the same societal constraints as anyone else, but value their own happiness over the perception of others. Bad Boys don’t follow the script. They do their own thing on their own terms and don’t care what the rest of the world thinks.

The Bad Boy’s life strategy is great, except for the unfortunate fact that many Bad Boys fulfil their own happiness quota at the expense of another person’s.

The Bad Boy appeals to women because he challenges her fundamental beliefs about what she can and can’t do, and rocks the boat of social convention in a way she hasn’t, can’t, or simply wouldn’t dare. His confidence and blasé attitude are a potent recipe for attraction.

Bad Boys and Relationships

The more powerful person in a relationship is the one who cares less. This power play is obvious in the Bad Boy/Nice Girl relationship. While Bad Boy is out there doing whatever he wants, Nice Girl goes to the ends of the earth to keep the “relationship” together. Large disparities of power in relationships creates an ideal breeding ground for emotional abuse.

Bad boys (and most men for that matter) don’t respect women who chase them relentlessly. Expressing your interest is fine, but relentless pursuit makes you look psycho at worst, and desperate at best. Moreover, it will never put you in possession of that Holy Grail of attraction you so desperately desire.  If you’re in a “relationship” with a Bad Boy who treats you like canine excrement, it’s because you’ve trained him to do so. Not only that, you are continually reinforcing his behaviour. Think about it for a moment. If he continually treats you badly but you don’t leave him, what incentive does that give him to change his behaviour? None! Is all he needs a fake “sorry” or “I love you” to get back into your pants? Those are not hard words to say. Just ask the nearest five-year-old. How is he going to respect you enough to want to be in a relationship with you if you don’t even respect yourself? He wont. You’re being treated like shit because your desperation is high, your self-esteem is low, and you don’t think you can do any better.

If you’re a woman who enjoys the company of Bad Boys, that’s fine, but enjoy the company for what it is. The upsides of relationships with Bad Boys are the excitement and high levels of lust and attraction. The downside is that these types of relationships have a marked imbalance in power and are typically low on trust, love, respect, and security. If you’re happy with that trade-off, go for it. Just don’t give away your power and submit to being treated poorly while you’re trying to make the relationship into something it’s not.

Good relationships rely on both parties respecting and caring for themselves and one another as equals, not jousting for the upper hand in a power play. No relationship is worth sacrificing your own self-respect. Hold yourself and your partner to a higher standard.

Like this article? Say "thanks" with a soy chai latte!

4 Responses to “Why Nice Girls Love Bad Boys”

  1. Thank you for posting this article online, this is what I really needed. This happened in my relationship, it answered questions to what happened in my relationship. The thing is that my ex will never want to hang with me when I ask him to do and he will go out doing whatever while I still had to do the things that he asks me to do. My ex was 32 while I was 20 when I was dating him. My ex wasn’t honest about his age when I asked him, I found out that he was older than what he told me he was later. When I asked him how old was he, he yelled at me saying “your asking me how old am I, how old do you think I am.” I just said that he was in his 20s since I really didn’t know what to think. Then he said that he was in his 20s. Then I told him that I was 20 and then he yelled at me strictly saying that I’m 20 years old and need to grow up and be more responsible. This whole situation was so stressful.

  2. You’re very welcome Cathy! I’m glad that you found it helpful.

  3. Ive been with a “bad boy” for.awhile now..this.article gave me the backbone to tell him goodbye. Thank you taz¡!

  4. You’re welcome Danielle! I’m glad to hear it!

Leave a Reply