Many women speak to me about finding the Perfect Man, but when I ask them what they want in a partner, or why they want a partner in the first place I’m generally met with a blank stare.
How is your Perfect Man going to find you if you don’t even know what you want? How are you going to know your Perfect Man when you see him if you don’t even know what the wrong one looks like? How are you going to separate your Perfect Man from Mr. Mediocre and Mr. I-Wouldn’t-Touch-You-With-A-Ten-Foot-Pole-If-You-Were-The-Last-Man-On-Earth?
Temet Nosce (Know Thyself)
Don’t fly blind. Before you go throwing yourself at the first available man you see, sit down for a moment and ask yourself what you really want in your Perfect Man.
- What is your motivation for wanting a relationship?
- What is absolutely essential for you to have in a partner, without which you wouldn’t even consider a relationship?
- What are the things that are not absolute essentials, but are still very important to you?
- What qualities are in your ‘nice to have’ category?
- What are your deal breakers?
Fortunately, I’m also in the situation where I am currently seeking a relationship. I’ve answered the questions that I’ve asked you above to give you some food for thought, and a starting point to work from.
Motivation for Seeking a Relationship
I’m at a stage in my life where I am happy and proud of what I have achieved as an individual. I am now searching for the Perfect Man to join me on my life path as my best friend, lover, and my emotional and intellectual equal. I seek to challenge my old relationship-specific beliefs and eliminate blockages in this area of my life. I’m looking for a mutually beneficial, positive relationship which enhances the enjoyment of both of our lives while not obscuring other important areas.
My Perfect Man Checklist
My Perfect Man must be:
- Mature enough to be over mind games and playing the field
- Able to talk openly and honestly – that includes about your feelings
- Trustworthy – I can tell you things in confidence
- Good sense of humour – you can crack me up, and you ‘get’ me
- Committed – If we’ve agreed on monogamy I’m a one-man woman. I expect you to be a one-woman man.
- Romantic and considerate – you remember anniversaries and birthdays
- Intelligent – you can communicate on my level
- Emotionally secure – in the words of Kahlil Gibran: “The oak and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
It’s super-important that my Perfect Man is also:
- Goal-oriented – you’re not just reacting to life
- Interested in personal development – we are in a constant state of change
- Tech-savvy – I talk to computers more than people, so I need someone who won’t glaze over on me
- Financially secure – you have finances in order, spend responsibly, and plan for the future.
- A good storyteller – I enjoy long and deep conversations, even if you’re doing most of the talking
- Chivalrous – you know how to treat a lady
- Confident – make a move. If I don’t like you, you’ll know soon enough.
- A short fingernails man – long nails on men are disturbing
- Free of scary bum-fluff facial hair – if you have sparse facial hair, do not attempt to grow it under any circumstances. It is all kinds of wrong. Period.
My Perfect Man would get extra points if he was:
- Over 6’ tall – I’m easily 6’ in heels and I don’t want to tower over you.
- No religion – you create your own destiny
- Vegan – so you can relate to and support my choice of lifestyle
- Vegetarian – not as many points as vegan, but still good
- A chef! – I love my food
- Good in the kitchen, even if you’re not a chef 🙁 – I still love my food
- A handyman – I can sew a button on. You figure out how to check the fluid levels in the car.
- Spontaneous – some of the best times are had when life doesn’t go exactly according to plan
Deal Breakers – my Perfect Man will not have:
- A history of domestic violence
- Addictions to any of the following:
- Online RPGs
- Commitment phobia
Let Me Think About It…
Think about what you want, preferably when you are single with no emotional attachments. Emotions have a bad habit of throwing us ladies off track sometimes! This exercise will help you identify your Perfect Man and quickly disqualify men who don’t satisfy your essential relationship criteria.
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